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Is it all worth it?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Lately, I've been having some weird mixed feelings.

I look at him and tell myself that everything is over and finished. I tell myself, our friendship is better off without my feelings in the way. I truly believe that, but for some reason some part of me still clings on. It still clings on to some kind of hope that you will tell me, 'it's okay, we can be more than friends'. I know it will never happen, then why do I still hope?

I feel funny around him. I feel happy and joyous when he turns and talks to me.
I felt weird when I heard people talking about him. Teasing him; and I wonder, is he really that bad? He's kind and well-liked by many people. Even though he teases me a lot, I don't really mind. He's just that type of person. But sometimes I wonder, is it really worth it? Is it really worth it to chase after a dream that will never be fulfilled? Isn't it better to just let go and go with the flow~

--

You're an Awesome friend. So so awesome.
I guess I have mixed feelings for you too. But I shouldn't let myself get out of control. I can't let myself like you straight after I let go of him. You're a great friend, you really are. I'm pretty sure you don't know that I'm actually referring to you but yea... in case you know, maybe I really do like you :) I feel like some player... some girl with really bad commitment issues... But I feel that I can let myself go when I see you. I can be free and actually do what I want and have tonnes of fun. I wonder if you noticed, that I always laugh when I'm with you and I always enjoy your company even though I want to annoy you for the sake of having fun and getting your attention.
I wonder? Do I really actually like you?

--

What is love really?
Is it something like a little girl's crush, shying around the person you like and trying to impress that person?

Or is it:
Laughing when you mean it with that person,
Annoying someone, and the person will not get angry,
Having fun regardless of whatever situation
and Talking about anything easily~??

I'm pretty sure is the latter.
So I guess it's better for me to let go of you, it's not a crush, it's an infatuation.
I think I know that now.

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